Submission Healed My Soul: One Catholic's Story

Once again, divorced and remarried Catholics are at the forefront of public consciousness, thanks to Cardinal Kaspar's recent absurd statement. I've decided to enter the fray (however briefly) and provide a different story. Since this is a personal account, it should be taken for what it is: one Catholic's personal perspective from lived experience. (In case you're tempted to call me an expert.)

I was divorced in February 2002. From my baptism at 18 years of age I'd been a nominal Catholic at best, living life on my own terms with very little concern for what the Vatican had to say. Although I identified as Catholic, my behavior and attitudes were decidedly pagan/secular. My wife and I had been married civilly, before a Justice of the Peace. As with most legal marriages in the U.S.A., things fell apart. We separated, and finally divorced, with a child between us.

I'll avoid reliving the bleak cyclone of the grieving process (which few people actually care about anyway.) It suffices to say that I survived the darkness that many men are forced to confront alone when their spouse abandons them. It was at that point in my life that God led me to the priest who would catalyze a profound change in my outlook, Fr. Erik J. Richtsteig.

At first, I didn't like him. He was a rigid, tradition-bound, stick in the mud. I mainly attended his parish because I needed a place to call home and I'd been invited by an acquaintance who was a parishioner there. Usually, what he had to say went in one ear and out the other. After all, I was an adult. I knew best how to live my life in relation to my subjective circumstances, and this quaint anachronism of a priest was just sorely misinformed about the world. Sooner or later he would be transferred, hopefully replaced with a priest who was more in touch with the modern world. In the mean time, I could try to open his mind.

Such was my mindset one fine spring weekend around 2005 when Fr. Richtsteig went on retreat. He left his parish in the capable hands of his friend, Fr. Pius of Mount Angel Seminary. That weekend happened to be particularly bleak and trying for me. When I went in "just to talk" to this unfamiliar Benedictine, I didn't have an inkling that my true conversion would begin that day. That talk turned into a good, honest confession. I don't recall what he said, but I do remember its deep impression. I began to question all that I thought I knew--about life, about the Church, and about the world. One day while praying the Peace Prayer attributed to St. Francis of Assisi, I was powerfully struck by the words "Oh Divine Master, grant that I may never seek so much...to be understood as to understand..." I realized that I didn't have any understanding of Father's point of view. With that in mind, I began to listen. I began to read. I began to understand--and what I understood, shocked me.

Fr. Richtsteig was teaching the authentic doctrine of the Catholic Faith.

Almost everything I thought I knew about Catholicism post-Vatican II was wrong! It was I who was in error. My ideas and behavior that needed to be realigned. If I was to continue to be Catholic, my submission to the teaching authority of Holy Mother Church was mandated. Steadily, I began to bring myself into conformity with the Church.

That was almost ten years ago, and I have no cause to regret my decision. I can honestly say that my life has improved. The existential angst that compelled me to go to Mass-as-group-therapy when I was stumbling about in the darkness has been truly resolved, through the simple act of submission. It started with an increase of faith (the virtue by which we intellectually submit to a revealed truth, which we may not understand fully) and cultivating honest humility. In my case, this meant becoming familiar with the words "I don't know." It meant overcoming the erroneous idea that "knowing something in my heart" made it true, even where what I "knew" contradicted a revealed truth of the Faith.

Here we come to the crux of the matter. The German bishops seem to think almost unanimously that the Church should conform to the world, particularly regarding Catholics who have been civilly divorced and civilly remarried without obtaining an annulment from the Church. That was once my view, and it was wrong. It remains wrong, even if those who hold such a view are bishops. It might seem unfair to deny those Catholics full participation in the Sacraments. It might seem more loving and compassionate to simply change. But I can honestly attest to you, Excellencies, that you would be doing all of those people a grave disservice in the long run. They would know that you simply caved in to circumstance; how then could they trust anything you say? Where might I be if Fr. Pius had simply patted me on the head and given me a cookie? (Metaphorically speaking.) I was on the road to Hell, Excellencies. I thank God that Fr. Pius cared enough about my soul to point that out to me and call me to repentance, in such a way that I heard what he was saying. I pray that you will all do the same; only good could come of it.

The Mighty Still Falter: RIP, Ars Orandi.

With heavy heart, I learned that one of my favorite places in the blogosphere, Ars Orandi, is no more. Apparently the blogger thought it was having a detrimental effect on him as a person. Having been at that point myself, I won't throw blame. I'll miss the well-informed posts and hard links to information I might never have seen otherwise. A crying shame.

A New Direction.

Bloggers sometimes post for the sake of posting, just to increase traffic. You might have noticed that I haven't posted since Pope Francis was elected.

There's been a lot of chatter about our latest Pope. (If it please you, Your Holiness, I won't be referring to you as "The Bishop of Rome." I don't question your intentions in thus branding yourself, but it's too uncomfortably close to the Protestant/Eastern Orthodox mind for my Catholic soul.) I'm uncertain what effect his pontificate will have on Holy Mother Church, but the abdication of Benedict XVI and election of Francis has given me many things to mull over.

Here are a few: What is Tradition? What role does the Traditionalist Movement play in the Church? What does the term "Traditionalist" mean? Overall, how should I conduct myself as a layman who calls himself a Traditionalist?

In theory, the answers to these questions are simple and easy to grasp. A Traditionalist is a Catholic who cannot in good conscience participate in the novel experiments of the past several decades. A Traditionalist cleaves to the Church that was, in spite of the Church that is, in the hope of the Church to come. All one need to do is accept all that the Church has taught through the ages, and act accordingly. Simple, in theory.

In practice, however, it becomes a different matter. I've been on several Traditionalist chat groups and Facebook sites where the participants display a sometimes shocking lack of respect--for clergy, for bishops, and even the Pope. Other people are often subjected to derision. I can no longer reconcile this pernicious attitude with being Catholic.

Certainly, sarcasm has its place; sometimes it's the best response to something completely ridiculous. When a bishop, priest or civil official says something in a public manner that directly contradicts a doctrine of the Faith we can't participate in their sin by saying nothing. But there's a fine line being walked here, and more and more I see my comrades in spiritual warfare crossing over it to become instruments of the Enemy.

In the Winter/Spring 2013 issue of The Latin Mass, there was an interview with Fr. John Berg, FSSP. He was asked about the Fraternity's silence regarding Vatican II and the New Mass. His response was very profound and should be read in its entirety if you have the chance. He said that "[W]hen one tries to extend beyond his duty and office it can have disastrous consequences for souls. It is our duty to address these difficult passages, but in the proper manner with the Holy See or individual bishop." He also stressed that "...it is not a matter of being silent in order to have a legal status; it is a question of when and where (and to whom) one ought to speak in order to aid souls, in order to best serve the Church. I repeat, there are souls at stake. If every bishop in the Church is not 'on the same page' as us, what would it avail to shake our fists and shout 'debacle' as you suggest? It may satisfy the prejudices of a few who are outraged for a time, but at the risk of endangering the liturgical practice of unnumbered souls. And for what; what change would be brought about?"

This combines with several things I have heard Fr. Chad Ripperger say over at Sensus Traditionis about fulfilling the duties of our station in life, the vice of curiosity (yes, it can be a vice--have a listen!) and others. It's given me a new perspective on the entire situation, which henceforth I intend to reflect in my posts.

The perspective is this: I am a simple layman, with no more education on these matters than any other. I'm not a priest or a bishop. God has given me the simple grace of recognizing the nobility and magnificence of the Traditional Latin Mass. He has given me this for my sanctification and that of my family; not so that I can develop the attitude that Fr. Fryar mentioned in his farewell sermon at Christ the King parish. (The link includes the entire High Mass; the relevant part of his sermon begins at approximately 33:00.) That attitude is one that I have seen far too often on chat sites--traditionalist and otherwise--and in the comment section of blogs; an overweening arrogance that allows one to overstep the duties of station and indiscriminately hold forth on matters of which he/she has scant knowledge but plentiful opinion.

What good can come of expressing my opinion? Am I stepping beyond my "duty and office"? Am I writing for the good of souls, or for my own ego? I can't guarantee that I will never again post controversial topics; but from this day, you can expect me to answer those questions before I post.

Discussion Forums

A very devoted Traditionalist once advised me to steer clear of online discussion forums. I'm beginning to see the wisdom in that advice. Does it profit a soul to visit a place that is little more than laity--with no assurance of qualifications--spouting off? I look at these places and see nothing but opinion. Sometimes opinion is backed up by links to a reputable source, sometimes not. I won't claim innocence in that respect; many are the times that I have trumpeted my own opinion as if it were the latest Papal Encyclical. (I'm working on correcting this.)

Unfettered opinion can be a dangerous thing. It is the plague that has caused a great deal of damage in the Church in the past 50 years. Opinion often becomes an occasion for the deadly sin of pride. Not infrequently these sites bring to mind St. Paul's words in his letter to the Romans:

Now I beseech you, brethren, to mark them who make dissensions and offences contrary to the doctrine which you have learned, and avoid them. For they that are such, serve not Christ our Lord, but their own belly; and by pleasing speeches and good words, seduce the hearts of the innocent.

Romans 16:17-18, Douay-Rheims Translation

Out of aversion to detraction, I won't mention any sites by name. However, on one very popular mainstream Catholic site, Traditionalists are routinely verbally flogged, tarred, feathered and treated with an extreme lack of respect (particularly by the moderators.) Half-truths and outright lies about the SSPX in particular and Traditionalists generally are permitted with impunity. With dread and shivers I recall the Protestant persecutions of Elizabethan England whenever I visit that site. On another--ostensibly a Traditionalist Catholic forum--the moderators are slow to punish any infraction of their own rules. Free reign is given to open blasphemy on one recent thread, genuine anti-Semitic hostility on another. (One is uneasily reminded of the lax disciplinary measures frequently attributed to post-Vatican II bishops and popes.)

Overall, do these discussion forums strengthen the faith of those who frequent them? Ultimately, I don't know. But for Advent, I have decided to avoid these places. Who knows? I might find it so beneficial that I eschew them permanently.